Love Like Liam

Yesterday was Liam's memorial service. Both a mourning of a death and a celebration of a life.
I was privileged to attend.

It was at St. Francis of Assisi Church on West 31st Street in Manhattan, across the street from the firehouse (Engine 1/Ladder 24) where Liam spent so much time, the firefighters gave him his own locker, complete with uniform.

The firefighters were outside the church, playing the bagpipes. Liam received a firefighter's funeral honors, and indeed, was named an official firefighter.

I idiotically walked through the side door and ended up in the family room. There were about 30 people there. After saying hello to Gretchen and Larry, I realized that I might be in the wrong place and asked someone to show me where the programs were. I was ushered into the main hall.

The church was overflowing with people. The request was to wear orange (Liam's favorite color) and ties (Liam was passionate about ties, and felt every day was a good day to wear one.) Men wearing bright orange ties, women wearing orange tops and shawls. Apparently, Liam's Army found that Forever 21 sells orange shawls and they were completely bought out. I wore my orange Fred's Team shirt, the one I wear when I run the actual marathon, with Liam's picture on the back (it's the picture on the right side of the blog).

There was singing from "The Lion King" and "Rent," as well as some psalms. One of Liam's nurses and Dr. LaQuaglia, Liam's surgeon from MSKCC spoke, as well as Robert Woodruff from ABC News. Gretchen spoke last.

We all heard about what a remarkable little boy Liam was -- so inquisitive, so fearless. How he bore all of his treatments -- and Dr. LaQuaglia let us know that Liam endured seven major surgeries, 25 procedures requiring anesthesia, and 111 other tests -- with no complaints. How he was so concerned for others that even when he himself was not feeling well, when his nurse told him that she, too, was feeling ill and needed to go home early, Liam pulled her down to him so they were face to face and gently kissed her on the forehead. How Liam wanted to go to a Halloween party so badly that immediately after he finished a high-dose chemo treatment, he put on a Superman costume, went to the party, and volunteered to get on stage and sing his A-B-Cs with the musicians.

As much as they could, the Witts made sure that Liam was a boy first and foremost. He loved school and went nearly every day. He loved to scooter (and frequently got in trouble for scootering in the hallways of MSKCC), and was always looking for the next science or craft project. He loved playing on the iPad, and once downloaded 27 cooking apps before his parents realized he had memorized the iTunes account password. He loved to throw himself in the pool wearing nothing but swim goggles.

Gretchen put it best during her eulogy -- she said, "Liam was OUR son." And by that, she meant that he was everyone's son. Everyone who met him, be it in person or through Cookies for Kids' Cancer or Gretchen's blog, fell hopelessly in love with him and felt that he was theirs. That made us fight so hard for him, and grieve even harder.

Liam lived. And he lived every moment of every day. His teachers told us that he would frequently ask, "If not now, when?" What better call to action than that, and what better words to live by?


Wherever he went, Liam made people feel at ease. He was so quick and easy to love whoever he met, and you couldn't help but love him right back. The day I met him, he declared his love for me within minutes, and he meant it.

Gretchen asked us all to love like Liam -- openly and completely. There is no more fitting legacy for a boy who was the very embodiment of love.

On the Road Again...

So here is how I am responding to Gretchen's call to action:

Since I already have an entry into the Nautica NYC Triathlon, I'm going to run it as a "Choose Your Own" event for Fred's Team. That way, I can open my fundraising page early (next month!) and start fundraising now, and then once the marathon fundraising page starts in April, I can pick up from there.

So even though I'm sure you've bought lots and lots of cookies, when my fundraising page opens, I hope you will donate to my fundraising efforts as well. All the money goes to the same place -- pediatric cancer research at MSKCC.

Liam's passing has also literally motivated me into action. When I first heard the news, I put on my running clothes and headed to Central Park. I ran up to the bridle path, then around the path -- snow, ice and all. Normally I enjoy running on ice and snow because the precarious footing can make even the dullest route engaging. But I wasn't running for enjoyment.

It was a shortish run -- four and a half miles -- but having part of it on ice made it super-strenuous. It helped get a lot of anger out, and because I really needed to pay attention to my footing, I couldn't really think about much else.

Today was the first Team workout in preparation for the NYC Half. As I've said in prior posts, I'm not running the NY Half, but I'm training with the Team as if I was. So at 8:00 am on a 30 degree day, a little over a dozen of us showed up in the Park for a 7-miler. I only did 6, because the longest I've done to date is 5 1/2.

It was not a great run for me. I find that under 35 degrees I have a little trouble breathing, and that wears me out. I wore a bandana over my mouth, but it got wet and uncomfortable. There's also a very fine line between freezing and sweating. I go from "I need to warm up" to "Holy crap, I'm hot." There is no period of "warm." And when I removed my outer layer, all the layers underneath were wet, so then I'm cold again. Grrr. Need we mention I'm one of the slowest people there? I had to walk three times.

Nevertheless, I'm glad I went. I'm glad to be with the Team, and I'm glad to be running at all.

What I need to do is not compare myself to where I was when I was at my fittest and fastest. I want to be happy with where I am now. What worries me is that I feel I am making a pretty good effort now, and if this is where I am at 80 percent effort, what is it going to take to improve? This is going to be one tough training season. I know I have what it takes to get through it mentally, but do I have it physically? That's the question.

A Call to Arms

True to Gretchen's form, she is both grieving and mobilizing the Prince's army into action. I cannot believe the generosity with which she shared her family and her journey. She embraced the truth that not her child, but no child should ever have to suffer, and at a time when most families would have turned inward and focused 100 percent on themselves, Gretchen was somehow able to find yet another 100 percent, to also focus on a way to help all children fighting cancer. And as she mourns, she is also asking people to not let Liam's battle be in vain.

Cookies for Kids' Cancer is such a simple idea -- have a bake sale, and send the money for pediatric cancer research. I volunteered the first year, when Gretchen thought, "Let's bake 96,000 cookies and give the money to pediatric cancer research." Well, those 96,000 went in three weeks, and raised $400,000. Now the idea is national. There are whole towns holding bake sales. Glad products is an official sponsor.

Here's what you can do to celebrate the life of a boy who took everything that was thrown at him with a smile, and was the embodiment of love and courage:

BUY COOKIES

Go to the website and order cookies. They are delicious, and all the money raised goes to fund research projects aimed at curing pediatric cancers.

HAVE A BAKE SALE

The site has great suggestions for how to hold a successful bake sale. If you have children, have a bake sale at their school. Hold a bake-off in your office, or your house of worship.

RUN MARATHONS

Or half-marathons, or triathlons -- or anything, really -- as a member of Fred's Team, and inspire people to donate to the Aubrey Fund for Pediatric Cancer Research on your behalf. Host a 5K, and send the proceeds to the Team. Or run on one of Fred's Team's teams, wherever you are in the country. In NYC, entries are available for the Nautica Tri. Contact the Team via the website for more information.

Celebrate sweet Liam's life by doing something sweet. Cookies are, indeed, good for you!

No Words

Dear, sweet Liam Witt, the boy who has inspired nearly every step I have run for the past four years, passed away yesterday from neuroblastoma at the age of 6.

Words cannot express the sadness, and also the fury.

Money is the only reason that a cure has not been found.

Please, please, go to Cookies for Kids' Cancer and buy cookies, or hold a bake sale and send your proceeds to them. Go to Fred's Team and donate to the Aubrey Fund.

Do something.

Liam Update, Buy Cookies, and Getting Into the Groove

I need your prayers for Liam. The news is not good, and it just gets worse. His latest scans were awful. Chemo is not working. This kid has such an amazing spirit, and he never complains, and it's just so unfair that any child has to endure such insidious disease. It's even more unfair that the only thing standing between Liam and a cure is money to fund the research and develop the treatments that he needs. Children's cancers, especially rare ones such as neuroblastoma, have been underfunded for years. Why are we not protecting our children by working to eradicate these diseases?

I am not actively fundraising right now, but if you want to make a general donation to Fred's Team and the Aubrey Fund for Pediatric Cancer Research, just click here and click on the "Donate" link.

Another way to help is to go to Cookies For Kids' Cancer, the organization founded by Liam's mom, Gretchen. You can order cookies, or learn how to organize a bake sale, and send the proceeds to CKC. All the money goes to neuroblastoma research and treatment at MSKCC.

Liam inspires me to train. It will be NYC 2011 and also the Nautica Tri. Possibly the Flying Pig. We shall see.

As for my training, it's been sporadic, but I'm starting to get back into a routine. I did a 40-minute treadmill run and managed not to be bored out of my skull. Even more amazing, I was watching Gov. Christie's State of the State address while doing so. What does that mean? I used the treadmill run to do sprint intervals, getting up to 7.7 mph (unsure of the mile time) for up to 90 seconds at a time.

I did my first loop of Central Park last weekend. Well, almost. I started to walk a little at the 5 1/2 mile, because I haven't run over five in a while, and I'm not making that "oh, it's just a little more, what could it hurt?" mistake again. But I ran the Great Hill non-stop!

Today, I did 20 on the treadmill, not too comfortably -- had a stitch in my side most of the way. Fortunately, I got a phone call from work, and had to stop. Couldn't get back into it, and switched to the bike for 25. Then worked on legs and a little arms for about 40 more minutes. I need to get more pool time in pronto, but have to branch out from the 4-foot long NYSC pool in the Marriott if I really want to start building endurance.

Fred's Team will soon be training for the NYC Half Marathon. I didn't get in -- most NYers didn't -- and I'm not too brokenhearted. I can run a loop and a half of the Park for free, not $75. But I will admit that running through Times Square was pretty cool (I ran this two years ago). I am going to train with the Team, and as we get closer to the date, if a spot opens up through the Team, maybe I'll take it. We'll see.

Finally, last night I was asked to speak at the Fred's Team Half-Marathon Kick-Off over at Sloan, to talk to people about fundraising and offer tips and ideas. I'm not the Team's top fundraiser, but I am the most persistent, as you all know, dear readers, and short of bikini car washes, I've pretty much tried everything to raise money for Fred's Team and the Aubrey Fund in Liam's honor. So it was great to share what I've done with other Team members. And just you wait, because this year, I'm pulling out all the stops...

I'll get right to the point:

Liam Witt, the little boy I have been running the marathon for over the last four years, who has bounced back from everything thrown at him, be it the cancer or the treatment for the cancer -- well, the cancer has returned again, both in the original spot and in two new spots. he had surgery five weeks ago to remove a tumor in his chest, and the latest scans indicate that the cancer has already returned to that spot. The doctors are going to do everything they can to get him back into remission, but the odds are no longer in Liam's favor.

I am not running either New York or Chicago this year -- the tendonitis, plus a stress fracture in my left foot has seen to that -- but cancer doesn't take two marathons off. I am still doing everything I can to support Fred's Team and the Aubrey Fund, and try to raise as much money as I can regardless of running, to help the doctors at MSKCC develop new treatments that will help Liam, and others like him.

If you can help me in any way, please go to my Fred's Team site and make a donation, by clicking here, or at the links on the side and bottom of the page.

If you wish to donate by check, please make it payable to "MSKCC" and send it to me. I'll take care of getting it to the right people. My address is: 152 West 58th Street, #2D, New York, NY, 10019-2111.

If you have children, you can involve them in a bake sale. Gretchen, Liam's mom, founded "Cookies For Kids Cancer." They'll give you the tools to hold a successful bake sale, and then you send the money to them, which all goes for neuroblastoma research at MSKCC. You can click on the link here, or go to http://www.cookiesforkidscancer.org.

Please read Gretchen's blog about Liam, "Prince Liam The Brave," by clicking on the link.

And please, please, keep Liam and his family in your thoughts and prayers.

More anon.
MG

In Which Marci Goes ChiRunning, and Other Important Things

Hello, dear reader.

There hasn't been that much going on with me until this past week. Hence, the lack of posts. Now that I've taken my first ChiRunning workshop, and attended the Fred's Team kickoff party, I've got some info to share.

But first, a break from our regularly scheduled programming for some supremely important messages.

First, let's show some love to the newest members of the FRED'S TEAM HONOR ROLL, otherwise known as TEAM LIAM:

JEROME and SHEILA ROBINSON

DENNIS SEKALOFF

ESTHER and MAL NEWMAN

SANDRO SEGALINI

ROBERTA NEWMAN

MICHAEL COLTON

ILISA SULNER

HOWARD SHIAU

TOBY COBRIN

RON TAUBER (my endodontist!)

LARRY HELFER

ADAM WHITE

and

MY PARENTS

bringing the total going to the Aubrey Fund for Pediatric Cancer Research in honor of Prince Liam the Brave to (wait, I have to do some math; not all of these are up on the website yet) ...

$1550

Words fail.

That's amazing, but there is still a long way to go, and the need is so, so great. Let me share with you part of Gretchen's latest blog post on Prince Liam (click to read the entire post) because she says it so well.

The words of Dr. Cheung, one of the brilliant oncologists who works so hard on Liam's behalf, haunt me day and night. "It's not science that's holding us back, it's funding." Great. There's a price tag on my son's head. Isn't that just dandy? Can I even begin to tell you how that feels? My son is priceless. Evey child is priceless.

In another part of the post, she asks "What do we need to do to inspire people to get involved?" She's already done so much, starting not one, but two organizations focused on providing support and raising funds to battle pediatric cancer, Band of Parents and Cookies for Kids Cancer. Gee, I wonder where Liam gets his spirit from?

So what can I do? I can, as in years past, run the NYC marathon with Fred's Team, and unashamedly ask you all to donate to the Aubrey Fund in my name. But that's too easy now. As if running the NYC Marathon was easy. It's not. But I've proved to you, faithful friends, that I can do it.

How can I show you how serious I am about this, and how far I'm willing to go to ensure a bright future for Liam and all of the kids at MSKCC?

Like this.

I promise to run BOTH the Chicago Marathon AND the NYC Marathon. Three weeks apart. IF I can raise the money in time.

This is what I can do. Can I ask you to help me with this? I'm not too proud to say it -- I need to raise $5,000 by September to run both races. I want to help provide Liam, and all children, with the treatment that will allow them to live healthy, full lives. Just click here to access my Fred's Team webpage and make a secure donation.

Still not convinced that your donation makes a difference? Allow me to be shameless here, and share this picture with you.

Liam's sixth birthday would not have happened without the love and support of people like you.

Click here. You know you want to.

In order to prepare for this insanity, I signed up for a ChiRunning class last weekend. ChiRunning was developed by Danny Dreyer. Far be it for me to pretend to be an expert on the subject, so I promise to explain everything badly, but it's based on the idea that running can be effortless and injury-free, if you allow gravity to do most of the work. I remember years ago hearing running described as a "controlled fall," and that's at the essence of the ChiRunning form.

Another essential is proper posture -- crown of head stretching straight up, pelvis tipped up, shoulders and hips aligned with ankle. Now, this is the exact posture that my PT goddess Miri Ingwer has been trying to get me to commit to for years. When I'm standing correctly a la Miri, it feels like my shoulders and arms are floating away from my body. So while I can't say this comes naturally, it's a welcome reminder of what I learned from Miri and need to consciously put more into practice.

The other main essential of ChiRunning is the midfoot strike, and by that I mean landing on the ball of your foot, as opposed to landing on your heel and rolling down the foot. This is something that I now do almost automatically thanks to my Vibrams (we love you, Vibrams!!) and just wearing these shoes has improved my running tremendously. With ChiRunning, the twist is that you don't swing your leg out in front of you when you run.. You keep your legs relaxed and, leaning from the ankles, allow yourself to "fall foward" and catch yourself by placing your feet down. Basically, your body is tilted forward slightly and your legs are moving behind you, instead of in front of you. This propels you forward. Did I mention I would explain it badly? Go to the ChiRunning site for videos and a much better explanation.

Last weekend, I took a one-day workshop with Danny and his instructors, and he went over the basic principles of the technique, and then we did a series of short runs to put them into practice. So of course, the next day I was ready to try it out.

Oh, yes. Forgot to mention one of the larger components of the technique -- cadence. It's not turnover rate -- the amount of the times your feet hit the ground -- that affect speed with ChiRunning, it's the amount of lean. The more you lean, the longer your stride, and the faster you'll run, with no extra exertion. Your cadence, or strides per minute, remain the same. Only the lean changes. Pretty amazing! There are ideal cadences for running, which for someone of my height is between 85-90 strides per minutes. So the first day, I set my metronome at 90, and off I went.

Hit the bottom of Cat Hill, and the legs felt great. I figure let's do a mini-hill workout and see how this technique works. So up the hill I go.

Get to the top of the hill, and I have to stop and catch my breath. Holy frijoles. Legs felt fine, but I couldn't breathe at all. This is not normal for me after one trip up Cat Hill, even when i'm at my worst. Head back down and get some water.

Second try up the hill. Trying to breathe through my nose, and not lean into the hill too much. Still, by the time I hit the top of the hill, same thing -- gasping for air. Again, legs were fine.

Third attempt, really concentrated on posture and lean. Slightly better, but still need to stop and catch my breath before heading back down.

Different from the past, I was able to run home after the hills, although I only did three repeats, so I probably could've done it regardless. However, after finishing the run, buying a pretzel and getting home, so about five minutes after the run, I got a HUGE case of the dry heaves! Why did that happen? Not why did I get the heaves, but why did I get them five minutes later? That was weird.

I did not wear a watch for that first workout, and I mention this because I went out running again today, and did wear a watch. I needed to see how much faster I was, because that was the only explanation for my breathing difficulties, as least as far as I could see. Dialed it down to 85 and tried again.

The distance from my house to the bottom of Cat Hill is about a mile. I am, at this point, around a 10-minute miler. Excuse me -- was. Running at an 85 cadence got me to Cat Hill in 8:50.

No wonder I was gasping for air.

Had to stop again at the top of Cat Hill, which I ran up in around 2:10. That's normally a moderate effort for me. All I was doing was trying to keep my breathing regular. Again, no effort from the legs, just the lungs.

Set off again, to the Fred statue at the Runner's Gate. Normally, using this route, it takes me about 18 minutes to get there. Today -- 16:50. Gasp, gasp. So after I caught my breath, I dialed it down to 80 and set back out. It felt better on the lungs -- I was able to complete the rest of the run without further incident -- but my legs felt it was a little slow. They kept trying to push the pace. It was strange. It was like they wanted to go on their own. I had to work really hard to slow down, if you can believe it. I would concentrate on one thing -- cadence, arms, ankles, lean, etc. -- and everything else would kind of fall apart. Frustrating!! I know that soon it will become more automatically. But right now, ChiRunning is mentally exhausting. And the beep-beep of the metronome will shortly drive me mad. But I completed a 5.38 mile run in 50:50, or about a 9:30 pace. Thirty seconds per mile faster than I was, oh, a week ago, and but for the breathing, it felt amazing.

There is definitely something to this method, and I will be working it for all it's worth! The legs feel great -- no pain, no fatigue -- and once the breathing catches up, I think (hope!!) this will be a really good training season! It has to be -- it's going to be a bruiser.

More anon.

Liam Update

Hello, everyone,

I want to thank everyone who has responded to my appeal for donations to the Aubrey Fund for Pediatric Cancer Research after hearing about Liam's relapse. I'm going to share with you the latest entry from mom Gretchen's blog, "Prince Liam the Brave," to give you a full update.

Pediatric cancer research is critically underfunded, especially rare cancers like Liam's. In fact, all of the money used for the research and treatment options available for neuroblastoma at Sloan -- one of only two hospitals in the world that offer such treatments -- come directly from the Aubrey Fund.

There are many ways you can help. All of these ways go directly to pediatric cancer research at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center in NYC.
-you can donate to my Fred's Team marathon effort, which goes directly to the Aubrey Fund, by clicking here.
-you can donate to Fred's Team in general, which goes directly to the Aubrey Fund, by clicking here.
-you can click over to "Band of Parents," an organization of parents with children battling neuroblastoma, buy something from their gift shop, or make a donation to them.
-you can click on "Cookies for Kid's Cancer," started by BOP, and either buy cookies from them (they are delicious, by the way, I can tell you from experience) or hold a bake sale of your own and donate the proceeds. They provide step-by-step instructions.

I've had a dreadful head cold for the past few days which has curtailed my running, which is killing me, because there's nothing I want to do more right now and train as hard as I can, as if somehow that's going to make things better for Liam. In some ways, it will. If my efforts inspire others to help, either through a donation or by lacing up themselves, it's worth it. However, I can't breathe through my nose, or stop coughing, so one more day off will hopefully not stop my momentum, or anyone else's.

And now, "Liam Returns to Battle," written by Liam's dad, Larry:

It is with heavy hearts that we share with you the unfortunate results of Liam’s most recent scans. The results of which showed that Liam has relapsed in a new area behind his lungs, around the lymphatic system. The 3f8 treatment Liam has been so fortunate to receive does not seem to be the right therapy to keep him free of soft tissue disease. We have been fortunate not to have found disease in his bone marrow but it is a mixed blessing since bone disease is what 3f8 really excels at fighting and the treatment Liam has tolerated well. He received 7 rounds of 3f8, two being high dose, since earlier this year. Cells hiding in soft tissue require that chemo be used to kill them so Liam will start a round of high does as early as tomorrow if not later today. No amount of time can be wasted since the tumors they found were not there 90 days ago and have grown to be approximately 2” in size in a short period of time.


It angered me all weekend to know that the cells were growing and spreading while he ran around the yard, swam, rode his bike, and played with Ella as if his world was in perfect order. The feeling of being completely powerless while something is harming your child right in front of you is a feeling I cannot begin to describe.

Today Liam has an MRI to better understand where the tumors are located since one resides in the soft tissues surrounding the spinal cord. It is most likely in the tissues around the vertebras according to last week’s scans but we need to be certain. Liam will also have a port surgically implanted back in his chest today so he can receive chemo. The surgery time is not known since he was an add on the schedule so will be squeezed in at some point. He will be really bothered by the ports return both physically and physiologically. It kills us to have to watch him endure so much. We plan to tell him that his blood “still needs more fixing” and he will need more medicine to get the job done. Liam does not know he has cancer, does not know what cancer is, and thinks he is perfectly normal. His innocence has been a major priority of ours throughout the last two and a half years. We know that this time around he will likely question the various treatments and procedures more than ever as he works to process and determine what is really going on. Anyone who knows Liam and knows him well appreciates his relentless curiosity and inquisitive nature.

We are looking in every direction to determine the next best step based on Liam’s situation. We know we must stop and shrink the tumors immediately and then remove whatever is left. Meaning, Liam will likely undergo a major surgery sometime in July. We along with Liam’s team of doctors at MSKCC, along with input from several other top neuroblastoma doctors, will then develop a new game plan to keep him clean. There are a few other options but not as many as you would think or desire. Each will likely include various combinations of chemo as well as new or experimental therapies like NK cell, ABT-751, or MIBG therapy. We have a most unpleasant and unexpected summer ahead of us. Your support and endless cheering for Liam is what truly keeps us going. Though we are scared, broken, and tired of this journey’s seemingly endless barrage of heartache and pain, it is one we would walk a thousand times over for Liam.

I will leave you with this:
On Friday we returned to our apartment after learning of Liam’s relapse. Gretchen and I were doing our best to act as if nothing was wrong even though we were both crushed and had pretty much had the life sucked out of us. We could not appear as if anything was out of the ordinary even though we were both numb. I walked into Liam’s room with him to find the sun streaming through his bedroom window. He said “Daddy! Daddy look! It’s beautiful! Look at the sunlight” as he held up his arms and basked in it, dancing around! I could not physically respond but I doubt I will ever forget to appreciate the simplicity and beauty of late afternoon sunlight shining through a window. ..yet another lesson from our young Prince.

Kicking Assphalt: Two Race Reports, And...

...what the hell is THIS?

More on that in a moment.

Could a post begin without the latest additions to the FRED'S TEAM HONOR ROLL? I think not!

Here they are:

ROBERT DION

JEFFREY WONDERS

DAVID SACHS

MICHAEL COLTON

GRACE GONGLEWSKI

BILL IRWIN

TOBY COBRIN

JAY FISCHLER

and

KERRY O'MALLEY

bringing the total to date going to the Aubrey Fund for Pediatric Cancer Research in honor of Liam Witt to an incredible

$4088

I said this before, but it bears repeating: for all my family and friends, but especially for those of you who donated after hearing my plea on Phedippidations, or The Extra Mile, my deepest and sincerest thanks. What can I say to people I don't know, who felt so moved by my story that they contributed either to my marathon effort or to Band of Parents? And what can I say to my friends, family and co-workers who give so generously year after year, regardless of the cause, just because it's me? "Thank you" just seems so inadequate. I'm a little overwhelmed by the generosity of spirit of all you wonderful people who are helping to not just imagine a world without cancer, but through your donations are making it a reality. There's an old Jewish expression, "bei mir bist du schoen." (sounds pretty, huh? like you can set it to music?) It means, "To me, you're beautiful."

Speaking of overwhelming and beautiful:

Liam has been adopted by the firemen at the firehouse near their NYC apartment, and they have been a source of comfort and happiness to him and his whole family. They showed up to volunteer at the original Cookies With Kids Cancer bake-a-thon, take Liam on endless tours of the firehouse, and have even given him his own locker at the station. This photo was taken two days after Liam's surgery this past July. The "guys" are like family, says Gretchen, and you can see it.

You may have noticed a few new links to the right. In my next post, I'm going to talk about some of those links, but I want to point out the link for New Balance Athletic Shoes. I got an email about a week ago from New Balance Harrisburg, saying they read and enjoyed my blog (!) and wanted to send me a pair of shoes to test. Since Saucony has given me the cold shoulder -- not even a "thanks but no thanks" note to my asking for sponsorship -- I agreed. I loves me my ProGrid Triumphs (even if they no longer come in green) but my mind can be changed. After the marathon, of course. Ain't gonna mess with it now. I've already got my marathon sneakers, and they're already broken in. But I will check the NBs out and let y'all know what I think.

Last Sunday was Grete's Great Gallop, a half marathon that's the highlight of the Norwegian Festival (that's right!) and my entry into the Phedippidations Worldwide Festival of Races. It was a week early for the PWWFOR, but I traditionally run the Worldwide Half on Grete's Gallop (if two times a tradition makes) and I wanted to hang onto that tradition. I was really nervous about this race. My hips had been sore all week, and I haven't been having the best distance runs. I was really starting to wonder if I had what it takes to get across the finish line comfortably this year. Please note that I said "comfortably." Making it across the finish line is not the issue.

I got there fairly early, but was disappointed to learn that my hero Grete Waitz had already met with the Team prior to the race. I didn't know about the change (I thought she'd meet us after) because I wasn't at the Team practice that Thursday (it was my niece's 5th birthday party!) But I did not get there too late for the WAFFLES!! I am obsessed with these freaking Belgian, er, Norwegian waffles that they serve at this race. The first year I ran this race, it rained the whole time, I hurt my leg, and I missed out on the waffles. Last year I got one before the race, and even in 80+ degree heat and humidity, I ran my second-fastest time. This year, pre-race waffle!!

The Team was doing an extra two miles prior to the race, but I just didn't have it in me. I wanted to race the half, and at that moment I felt that even two more miles would do me in. I was still sore from last week's 20-miler, and besides, I don't think I even had a drop-down week. The week I was supposed to do 13 I ended up doing 18. Besides, Jeff said it was okay not to add the two. So I lined up with Jeff, and we were soon joined by Karen, who had run 7 beforehand. The others came back, the gun went off, and we were off, for two and a half clockwise loops of Central Park, finishing at the marathon finishing line at Tavern on the Green.

Right away, big mistake. I was running with Jeff and Karen. Jeff and Karen are both MUCH faster than I am. Didn't I make this mistake last year in Staten Island? DON'T START OUT TOO FAST!! I noticed that my time for the first two miles was something like 18:30. I had to stop, but I couldn't. The competitive side of me started kicking in, and as much as I wanted to just let Jeff and Karen get ahead, there was something inside me that wouldn't let them get too far. I unfortunately erased my watch before I recorded my split times, so I don't know what my first loop time was, but I think it was somewhere in the 53 minute range. A good time for me -- for a 10K. A little too fast for me for a half, unless I was going to PR in the second half. Stranger things have happened...

Second loop, and it starts to drizzle. I love it! It was cool and drizzly and the weather was just perfect. I like doing the loop clockwise. The Great Hill is longer this way, but slightly less steep. Besides, I like the Great Hill. It's Cat Hill I could do without, and for a clockwise loop we go downhill. Yee haw! I've finally shaken Jeff and Karen, and by that I mean they're far enough ahead of me that they no longer are tempting me to go too fast too soon, when lo and behold, just as I get to the start of the downhill part of the Great Hill, there's Jeff and Karen. They're walking, and Karen doesn't look happy. She had been complaining earlier of hamstring pain. Wow. I say hello and head past them and down the hill.

I tend to psyche myself OUT during races instead of psyching myself UP. For some reason I find it hard to say things like, "Good job! You can do it! You're strong!" What I do instead is say things to myself like, "You can walk this section, you know." Then when I don't listen to myself, I feel triumphant. Is that nuts? I say this because once I passed Jeff and Karen, I all of a sudden flipped it around. I know that Karen was hurting and Jeff was walking with her and that under normal circumstances the two of them could run me into the ground and have room left over for dessert, but there's something about being faster than my coach, even under these conditions, that has always inspired me. During the first loop, there were points where I'd actually pull ahead of him and say, "Looka me! Looka me!" as I passed. Jeff knows I'm a doofus so he just laughed (and pulled ahead.) But when I pulled away for real, I fooled myself into thinking I was really and truly faster than him and Karen and used that adrenaline to get me up over the Hill. I wasn't feeling all that great (I was burping up the Gatorade) but I kept pushing it.

And, without any further ado, I crossed the finish line in 1:56:45 -- a half-marathon PR by over a minute.

The thing is, it wasn't a smart race. It was a good race, but not a smart one. I don't like NOT running a smart race. I didn't feel good, I was a little too achy for the distance covered, and had I run a smarter race, I might have finished faster, or at least feeling better. And sorry, Jeff and Karen, for using your misfortune to my advantage. Such as it was.

This week in training it was all about marathon pace. Before Grete's Gallop, our Team speed workout was doing four 1-mile repeats, with the miles starting 40 seconds BELOW marathon pace and moving up to marathon pace by the last one. So for me, it was about anti-speed. Really anti. I thought I should maybe walk some of those miles! I did a 9:50, 9:40, 9:30, and .... 9:00.

Then this week, the Cat Hill workout was again about marathon speed. 3 sets of 4. First set, slower than marathon pace, second set slightly faster, and third set at marathon pace. Cat Hill is half a mile up and down. So I did my first set at about a 9:10 pace, the second at a 9:00 and the third at 8:40. Not that THAT's my marathon pace...I think...(it's not.)

I missed the final Team stair workout this week because of the Jewish holidays, so I did my own workout on my old friend the Bethesda steps. However, it was in the high 70s and after a half-mile warm-up and 2 sets of six 2-at-a-time, 1-at-a-time, 3-at-a-time, 1-2-3-2-1s, I was feeling ill, so I cut it a little short. However, I did JUMP up the steps one at a time as my big finish, and I am normally allergic to jumping. It knocks my hips out of alignment faster than popcorn pops. But one set wasn't so bad.

Today was my revenge on Staten Island, at the Staten Island Half Marathon. Not to belabor the point, and there's already a link in this post to last year's debacle, but I was really looking forward to this race and the chance to redeem myself. In brief: last year we added 7 beforehand. I ran it with Teammates David and Ashley, both of whom are much faster than I, and I kept up with them the whole time. I asked them, "Should I be elated or concerned?" Turns out, concerned. I crashed and burned big time by mile 6 of the actual race. I drank so much Gatorade to get through the rest of the race I made myself sick, and I had to walk long stretches, the first time I needed to do that all last year. I wept as I crossed the finish line because I was so mad at myself.

This year I wanted REVENGE!!

We arrived in SI at 7:00am, and pretended it was the marathon by waiting over an hour before we started our pre-race running. I did the pre-race 7 much slower, at between a 9:30 and a 10:00 pace. I also carried 1/2 a bottle of Gatorade with me and drank it during this part, and took water and Gatorade from the 2 aid stations as well. I ran with Tricia, Anastasia, and Corinne (who I never met before, but she was really nice.) We even took a porta-potty break around mile 5 of the 7, which turned out to be more like a 7.6 (I mapped it on Buckeye Outdoors.) It's hard to figure out the half-way point. I had a feeling it was a little further back.

We pulled back into the Richmond Terrace ballfield parking lot in 1:13, with about five minutes to spare, and headed into our corrals. We are assigned corrals according to our pace time from our best mile from any race over four miles, or something like that. Nothing else can explain my 7:53 pace corral. Yes, you saw correct. No way in hell could I hold a pace like that for a half, and not after 7 miles. So I ducked into the corral two colors behind me. While I waited, I decided to pretend that this was a new race. I zeroed out my watch, I reset my iPod, I took a gel.

Annnnd, we're off!

My first two miles were 9:30s. Felt good. Mile 3 was 9:23 and mile 4 -- 9:09. Whoops, too fast. Mile 5 -- 9:28. Stayed full of Gatorade and water, and gelled again at mile 5.

Now we're heading to my crash and burn site from last year -- mile 6. The genius of this course is that even though it's an out-and-back course, miles 5-9 are not a repeat. The course hits a divided roadway, and we run on one side of the roadway from 5 to 6 1/2, then up the other side of the roadway to about mile 8, then the race diverts to the right for a trip through Fort Wadsworth (!!!! that's the start of the marathon) before hitting the first section of the course for the return. That way, there's no congestion between the faster returning runners and the slower runners.

I could feel my legs burning when I hit mile 6, as if they remembered. And I looked at my split -- 9:02. HA HA HA, AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN THIS TIME!! So, 56:03 for the first 6.

The other thing that's nice about this course is that you get to see people on both sides of the roadway. Checked in with a bunch of Teammates passing me as I went down the hill, and passing them as I went up.

Mile 7, my iPod stopped playing music, right as I got to the huge hill. While I will not use it during the marathon, ain't no way I'm not using it now. I reset it, giving up on the Nike+ (it was way off anyway, which confounds me. Why is it accurate one day and completely inaccurate the next?) So, no music up the giant hill (what goes down must go up) and I forgot to hit my watch at the right time, so I have a 10:10 mile 7 and an 8:45 mile 8. Er, no.

Through a little residential section, and then Fort Wadsworth (see you in three weeks) and then we hit the section where I remember having to walk the year before. I was a little sore, but I felt terrific. Not stopping now!! Mile 9: 9:10

Now we're back on the first part of the course, and there are two hills left, the bridge up Hannah Street, and the uphill that takes us back to Richmond Terrace. Basically, miles 11 and 12 are uphill, but 12 to the end is downhill and a straightaway. Take a gel at mile 10 (9:09) and walk a little extra to get it all in. Head to the Hannah St. bridge. 9:24.

Up the bridge, up Bay Street, up ot Richmond Terrace. Get my last Gatorade for a final boost of energy. Mile 12: 9:40. Slow, I thought, but I remember barely making up that hill last year, and this year, no problem.

Heading down Richmond Terrace, down the little hill to the access road, which seems to stretch on forever (you can't see the finish line until you make the turn into the parking lot. I hate that you can't see the finish until you're almost on it.) Mile 13, and .... for mile 13.1 - 9:37 and DONE.

Time for the half: 2:02 on the nose. Time for 20.7 -- 3:15. Not the actual time I want (I always want to be five minutes faster!) but I'm happy to take it. And I felt, for the first time this season, that I could've run six more.

VENGEANCE IS MINE!!!

PS: that thing in the picture? I don't know what it is. We saw it in the parking lot while waiting to start our pre-race 7, and someone said pick it up, maybe it's a good luck charm. I'm superstitious about that kind of stuff, so I put it in my pocket. Guess what'll be there during the marathon?

I Did It!

I baked brownies! I really wanted to keep my promise to Gretchen to hold a bake sale and donate the money to pediatric cancer research. However, one of the key ingredients to a successful bake sale is edible product. Baking not being one of my many talents, I got the Chocolate Truffle w/Chocolate Chip mix from Trader Joes.

Apparently it is possible to mess up mix brownies. Witness my sad, misshapen results.

The first batch (pictured) -- the top fell off when I tried to plop them out of the tray.

The second batch never cooked right -- it was a molten mess. When I put them on the cooling rack, they melted through. Even after putting them back in the oven they never quite set up.

Frequent tastings assured me they were edible.

And I sold them all -- "regular" and "extra-fudgy" -- and made an extra $45 for Fred's Team!

Further, Cindy McMahon, the Director of Admissions, said she will do some advertising for me for next time (!) and will also try to get me some $$ from some of the organizations she belongs to.

Hooray!

Actual running post coming soon.

Endurance

Please forgive the blog vacation. Between working two shows for the Cape Playhouse, night school and training, there was precious little time for anything, let alone blogging. So much has gone by, I will endeavor to keep this one brief and not dredge up too much past.

Most importantly, the latest Honor Roll members:

NOLA STUDIOS and the incomparable TUCKER JOHANN, who lets me keep all my stage management crap there for weeks
MICHAEL McGRATH and TONI DiBUONO
ROBERT MUFFOLETTO
SUZANNA HAY and BRAD BELLAMY
and GREG COHEN, who I met in college and now he's not only running the marathon, he's also running for Fred's Team.

bringing the total going to the Aubrey Fund for Pediatric Cancer Research to an amazing

$2,475

Thank you all so much for your support. Every dollar, every step, is in honor of Liam Witt and his fight to overcome neuroblastoma. Won't you help me honor this brave little boy and help others fighting childhood cancer by donating to my Fred's Team effort? Simply click here or on the links on the side and bottom of the page.

Liam update: he went home after an extended stay in the hospital to get his blood count up. He will most likely begin his second round of chemo this week. Mom Gretchen's birthday was this past Wednesday and she has a special birthday wish, which I would like to share with you:

If every person who reads about Liam e-mailed us to tell us they want to hold a bake sale, we would easily surpass that number. If each of those people convinced two of their friends to join the cause and hold their own bake sale, then we’d really be getting into some impressive numbers. If we can sell 96,000 cookies in a few weeks, why couldn’t we hear from 100 people who want to hold a bake sale? And the bigger those numbers are, the more we can fight back against pediatric cancer. I hope my birthday wish comes true. I need my birthday wish to come true.
Gretchen
You can email her at gretchen.holt@gmail.com

I have been training hard. High -- or low -- lights include: twisting my ankle during a step workout two weeks ago (and it's still sore. I've been to see Dr. Rock, who says it's just a sprain and to wear an ankle brace with velcro straps to provide support,) two gorgeous long runs on the Cape, one of which inadvertantly turned out to be a little longer than expected, a couple of brutal training sessions, and a long-awaited return to steno day classes.

I did not like going to night school. Nothing wrong with the teachers, only that steno only meets twice a week at night (4x a week during the day,) and between everything else I wasn't getting the practice in. I am continually amazed at the night students, however, most of whom normally hold full-time jobs and many of whom also have family obligations. How they find the time and energy to do night school and get through steno is impressive. I couldn't do it. I am motivated, but not to that extent. My brother, on the other hand, went to law school at night while holding down a full-time job and raising a family and also being an observant Jew. Did I mention he graduated Magna Cum Laude? Top of his class?

But I endured. Every time I started to fret about having no time to do anything, I thought about Liam and Gretchen and all their family is going through. I thought about my brother and how he maybe slept 4 hours a night for 4 years. And I endured. When we're doing a running drill and I'm tired and in pain, I think about Liam, and I endure. And ultimately, enduring is not about getting by, it's about getting through. It's gritting your teeth and bearing it when your body is telling you to stop. And that's what I'm going to do, grit my teeth and push past the pain, the doubt, the frustration. And I'll come through the other end a better person.

In the meantime, I need to learn how to bake cookies.